You Did What!
by JackOfBladesX
Summary: Thanks to Tali's quick thinking, Shepard manages to get some useful intel on the Collectors.  He follows up by sending it to the Citadel Council...Sadly, he/she was probably better off not sending anything.  Oneshot, Parody.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect.**

**A/N: I recently got the PS3 version of Mass Effect 2, and I've had this Scenario running through my mind ever since I go to the Collector Ship. Background: Shepard saved the Council, saved the Rachni Queen in part 1. I don't think I specified a Class or Sex for Shepard, so you can use your imagination for that.**

* * *

It had to be a spur of the moment decision. No…that wasn't right, Shepard thought. It was classic Tali, making backups of new data whenever the chance presented itself. When the small recon team consisting of: Shepard, Tali, and Garrus reached the terminal, they learned the horrible origin of the Collectors. A quick analysis, by the Normandy's artificial intelligence EDI, of the Collector DNA proved that they were, or at least once were, the Protheans. The same Protheans that were thought to be long extinct by just about every sentient species.

Military training had both Shepard and Garrus on the look out for a sneak attack, which is probably when they missed Tali's brief use of her Omni-tool. Shepard didn't learn about her little acquisition until the team was safely off the Collector Ship and back on the Normandy.

And just like that they had it. Genetic information to prove that the Collectors were in fact the Protheans. Other data that Tali happened to download reinforced that little fact.

"Do you think it's enough to get the Council off their collective asses?"

Shepard just sighed shrugged at Jacob. "I'm not sure. Aside from Anders, they all seem to be Masters of Denial", the Spectre replied bitterly. Good thing he didn't make Udina the Human Council member…that would have just added to the problem. "Maybe if Miranda brings back Sovereign and have him say, _'Hey morons, I'm a Reaper',_ before they actually believe us." Jacob visibly cringed at that idea. Shepard felt sympathy for the ex-Aliance Biotic. He'd have to get over that soon if he expected to fight Reapers.

"To whom will you be mailing this data to Shepard?"

Shepard glanced to the side, where EDI's voice came from, before looking back at the terminal. "To council member Anderson on the Citadel."

A moment later passed before EDI chimed in again, "Message sent."

That's when a light bulb went off in Shepard's head. Shepard's hands quickly flew over the keyboard, "Send Anderson this one to."

Another moment, "Message sent."

Jacob, who had been looking over Shepard's shoulder, cocked an eyebrow. "Your email address is, **SwoopingIsBad**?"

"Got it from a game I played once."

* * *

-x- Citadel –x-

Council Member David Anderson was just about depart for a meeting with his three Counterparts when he received the first email. Recognizing the email, he quickly opened the first one and read it.

**Dear Council Member Anderson,**

**As I'm sure Operations Chief Ashley Williams has reported, the Collectors are behind the attacks on the Human Colony. I know the rest of your peers still refuse to believe the truth about Reapers, and I doubt they will care about anything outside of Citadel space. However, I believe I may have found proof that will at least get them moving. In these files is the Data we need.**

**-Shepard.**

Attached to the email were three files. He opened the first one and quickly scanned the contents. It was nothing but a long list of proteins and Amino Acids of…the Collectors? Anderson shook his head in annoyance; he made it no secret that he was never good at that sort of thing. There was a reason he was a soldier after all, and not a damn scientist. Maybe a different file had an explanation. Another email flashed on his screen, this one also from the reinstated Spectre.

**Anderson,**

**Long story short, the Protheans didn't go extinct, they were turned into Collectors.**

**-Shepard.**

A startled Anderson jumped from his seat, staring at the screen. He read the report over and over and over again. After several minutes, he turned off his PC and went to go meet the rest of the Council. The meeting went as well as could be expected.

The Asari Councilor was stunned by the revelation, yet obviously skeptical. She was starting to believe their recently re-instated Spectre had gone crazy. And that her choice in Councilors was a bit too…trusting. She had wanted to give the human the benefit of the doubt. She owed the Spectre, and the brave Alliance Soldiers that much at least.

His Salarian peer seemed intrigue and quickly made it a copy of the Data. He planned to have the Special Tasks Group look into it to both confirm the information and check it's validity. This WAS Shepard after all; the person who believed Giant, Mechanical, Genocide-causing Monsters existed.

The Turian just laughed before realizing that Anderson was serious. Then he looked like he wanted to Warp the stick out of his ass, and beat Anderson to death with it.

In truth, Anderson really couldn't blame them, except maybe the Turian…he was just an ass. In truth, if anyone other than Shepard had sent him the data, he probably would have thought it hogwash as well.

The Salarian's exit essentially adjourned the meeting and everyone went their separate ways…sadly the foursome failed to discuss any of the things they had planned to talk about prior to Anderson's revelation. Oh well, not like they really needed to worry about fact that a good ten percent of the Citadel was still a vacuum. The Keepers would probably take care of that when they had the chance.

The meeting resumed in four days, and everyone was staring at the Salarian who, annoying enough, happened to be the last one to arrive. He answered their question in two words, "It's true." The revelation washed over the other three like a river…Anderson included. And then the Council split…

The Asari councilor wanted to offer an olive branch to the Collectors. For the Protheans were the ones responsible for the Citadel and the Mass relays. She argued that they had to thank them for SO much. Such an enlightened race obviously went into solitude for some reason…and they should learn whatever they could from the _evolved _Protheans.

The Salarian agreed with the Asari…though mostly because he wanted a chance to study the Collectors, living or otherwise. He to thought they had much to learn.

Anderson, quickly disagreed and reminded the two that the Collectors, Prothean or not, were attacking human Colonies and doing Maker knows what with the people they captured. He's been pushing to gather a fleet since Ashley William's report.

The Turian, much to Anderson's surprise, wanted to fight the Collectors as well. Anderson might have been greatful, if the Turian hadn't 'jokingly' (?) suggested the Human's fight on the side of the Collectors.

So the Council was split in two. After weeks of debating, both the Human and Turian conceded. They would try to make peace with the Collectors, or at the very least attempt to learn everything they could about them. They would not, under ANY circumstances, eradicate another species from the Universe. Unfortunately, that meant that they had to make contact with the one person who planned to do just that…

* * *

-x- Normandy -x-

"Still can't believe we did it commander", Jacob smiled and forgoing his usual salute, decided to shake Shepard's hand instead.

"Indeed. Likelihood of success was minimal. We succeeded with a small team. Didn't lose anyone. Remarkable quick thinking. You're as good as they say."

The whole team, minus Grunt, Zaeed, and Jack had been up in the meeting room, celebrating their amazing victory. Not only did they manage to save the rest of the Normandy Crew, but they also defeated the Collectors and nuked their whole base. All of them slowly exited to return to their own chambers, until only Shepard, Jacob, and Mordin were left. Not surprising, since the latter two of them had a much shorter walk than the others.

"Commander Shepard, incoming call from the Citadel."

Shepard's cocked an eyebrow, "From the Citadel? Must be Anderson." Shepard walked over to the Council and flipped the switch. Within a moment, the Spectre was standing before the holographic images of the Citadel Council. Shepard saluted.

"Ah, Commander Shepard, it's good to see you in good health."

The Spectre nodded at the Asari. "Ma'am…to what do I owe call."

"Shepard", Anderson began, "We wanted to tell you that the Citadel Council has ordered a Fleet to assemble. We will be attempting to a negotiation with the Collectors."

The Turian spoke next, "You are to cease all actions against the Collectors unless ordered otherwise."

A sudden, and uncomfortable silence washed over the Normandy's meeting room. It was only broken by Jacob's quiet, "Oh shit…" Obviously not loud enough for the Council members to hear it over the comm. Mordin looked particularly uncomfortable as well, he was constantly blinking his eyes and looking in different directions, a clear sign that he was thinking.

Anderson, seeing the look on Shepard's face, was the first to voice the question, "Did something happen Shepard?"

The Spectre sighed. Might as well get it out in the open. "Yesterday, at 0600 hours, Citadel time, my team launched an assault through the Omega 4 Relay, on the Collector Base. It ended with a Nuclear weapon planted on the Collector Base. We presume all the Collectors that were still alive on the base, were purged during the explosion."

All four Council Members stared at Shepard with wide eyes, mouths hanging open. Like usual, it was the Asari who spoke first. "You…wiped…out the Protheans?" First they thought the Protheans were dead, then they find out they were still alive, now they find out the Protheans are extinct…again…

"I deeply regret it ma'am."

"You nuked them!" the Salarian snapped.

"Yes sir."

The following ten minutes consisted of the four Council Members constantly trying to yell over each other. It was…actually sort of comical. Somewhere over the Asari's indignant cries, the Turian's assertions that all humans were racist, and Anderson's attempts to calm everyone down, he thought he heard the Salarian say something regarding research subjects.

"Hey…HEY!" They all immediately stopped arguing and looked at the only Human Spectre. "If you're looking for research subjects, I'm pretty sure we still have some Collector corpses on the ship."

"Negative Commander."

Shepard snarled, "Quiet EDI." He knew they weren't supposed to have an Artificial Intelligence.

"But Grunt, Zaeed, and Jack are currently testing weapons upon the corpses."

Shepard's eyes widened, "They're testing weapons on my Ship?"

"Hmmm, yes. During the meeting, the three of them were absent. Before the meeting, saw Zaeed walking with your M-451 Firestorm. Obviously the source of their amusement."

"They're using a freaking Flamethrower on my ship!"

Jacob sighed, "Hmph…knew it was a mistake to keep those three down a hall from each other."

"Spectre Shepard, your actions are completely unacceptable. This is perhaps the worse thing you could have done!"

Shepard looked at the Asari Council member in more than a little annoyance. "Do you really believe that?" Not waiting for a reply, Shepard followed up with, "Two years ago, prior to Saren's attack on the Citadel, I found a Rachni Queen and safely released it."

"WHAT!" that was the Turian. "You released a Rachni Queen and failed to notify us!"

"If you think she'll start another war, don't worry, I had the Krogan Genophage cured."

"WHAT!"

With a flick of a finger, Shepard shut the communicator off, ending their long conversation.

Jacob sighed, "Pretty sure you just cost us our embassy Commander."

"If they wanted the Collector's alive, they should have mention it when I was visiting the Citadel…or at least mentioned it was a possibility." The Spectre…probably ex-Spectre now, looked upwards, "EDI, tell Joker to set a course for the Shadow Broker's Ship."

"Good plan, hiding out in the Shadow's Broker's hide out."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, "Hmmm…yea, I guess that is a possible plan. Honestly, I was just planning on seeing Liara." With that, Shepard walked out of the meeting room.

**

* * *

A/N: Please Review and tell me what you think.**


End file.
